Recently I have had to swallow quantities of toothpaste inside condoms in order to get it through airport security. Unfortunately one of them burst and I almost overdosed on fluoride. If I hadn’t built up a resistance to fluoride by drinking Irish tap water I would have died. A fortunate upshot from this event is I now have a fashionably nicely bleached anus. I am not racist especially when it comes to anuses but a bleached anus is pleasing to the eye.